To affirm your child daily is one of the secrets to helping them succeed. To affirm means to offer emotional support and encouragement. Affirmation says to your child that they are loved. It says that everything in the world may be uncertain, but one thing is certain: they are good enough for you.
Can ordinary people affirm their children?
I have a friend who has 4 beautiful daughters. He urges them to look into the mirror each day and say to themselves that they are the most beautiful, the most intelligent and the most kind. There is another friend whose child always looks so well-behaved. One day I discovered that just before she gets off to school, she recites a passage that says she is going to be successful at everything.
Why affirm your child?
Do you remember how you feel when your supervisor at work gives you a good report? How you feel when they say you have done a job well? Children feel the same way too. And with children, success begets success. This means that if they believe they are good, they are more likely to try to be even better. If they believe that they are not good, then they are not good. Just like you provide your kids’ physical needs like food, shelter, and clothing, you need to provide their emotional needs too, for their mental well-being.
The American Academy of Paediatrics has expressed concern that the prevalence of depression and anxiety among children has increased over time. As a parent, one of the most important tools at your disposal to protect your child’s mental health is positive affirmations.
Of all the voices your child hears daily, yours is the most influential, because you are his parent. If you say they are good enough, they believe they are good enough. Affirming your kids helps them to develop confidence. This will help them to accept new challenges and tackle them with determination. And when they fail at something, they will quickly recover and continue to try. That is resilience and a growth mindset. A child that is affirmed is less likely to be bullied, or to bully someone else.
Affirmation is also a way to inculcate into your child the behaviours you would like them to exhibit. If you praise your child for any behaviour, they are likely to repeat them. Therefore affirm your child whenever they exhibit a behaviour that you want to promote.
5 ways to affirm your child
All Pro Dad lists 5 affirming things to say to your kids everyday. My favourite 2 are
- ‘Hey, sweetheart, I love you’
Tell your child you love them. What they hear is that they are good enough to be loved. They are treasured because they are perfect. This will not make them stop trying to get better. On the contrary, they would want to keep being perfect so that they continue to be loved by you.
- ‘Have a great day at school, and don’t forget who you are’
Your child is royalty. They are someone from a home where people love each other and are kind. Where people are diligent and attain their goals. This grounding is very important to help your child to say no to bad peer pressure and other wrong influence. Who they are is the set of values and belief systems you have taught them. Remind them often, so they will not forget. And then they are likely to stay true to those values.
Do not affirm using only words. Affirm with your actions too. Give your child a hug for no reason, and every reason. Smile, and be fun to your child. Be gentle when you need to correct them so that they are not afraid to own their mistakes.
We all love to be affirmed. Children are no different. Affirm your child, daily, repeatedly, and your child will become who you tell them that they are.